She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
All the doctor said was why
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
