There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
