I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
