That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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