im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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