Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
please come you make the beer taste better
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
