omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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