Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
