Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
