So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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