it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
