And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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