Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
