Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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