i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize