No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
