her facebook's as public as her vagina
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
