Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
