Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
