You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
