Are we in a gay sports bar?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
