It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
