The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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