if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The maid of honor just puked.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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