'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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