Whatcha textin bout Willis?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
