the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i think my cat just said my name.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
