No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
