dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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