I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
