2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
