You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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