I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
foreskin is a definite game changer
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
