He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
