can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
