You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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