Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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