You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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