My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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