take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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