dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
