soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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