i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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