I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
smell my finger.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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