I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
