Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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