I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
