Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
