He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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