Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
