She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
