if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
