I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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