We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
