Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
