Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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