i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
