we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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