You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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