Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
