Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
