dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
