Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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