we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think I am morally bankrupt
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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