There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize