just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
