I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
