Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize