Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
