I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
