I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
