i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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