i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
